30 days...

as u all know i started work bout a month ago... and it's been a very interesting journey for me.... there are some ups and downs but it's all an experience for me....

i've met with some interesting ppl, made some good friends out of it and also got to see long time friends whom i haven't seen since school!!! yes!!! friends from school (actually guys from BM High - bahasa and maths tuition) and also friends from college!!! ironic isn't?

i joined this place already knowing that i have fellow dugongs here and that i have their support and guidance in my first ever "proper" job..... i told myself that this isn't a fun thingy.. it's a JOB for goodness sake!!! and i got to be professional.... i CAN'T mix work with friends and i can't mix friends with work.... what happens at work, it's work related, i CANNOT bring in the emotional part of "they are also my friends"..... it's got to be different, separate.....

i'm trying my best at it.... and well.. i don't know if i achieved that... only other people will be able to tell me that.....

so here i am working.... trying to learn fast, pay attention, do my work properly and CORRECTLY.... but the 10 hr job drains my attention span, drains my brain power thus having me all screwed in the last 2 hrs of the job..... with that at the end of the day i screw my work.... my reports are screwed (not all the time though.. but it DID happen) and i hate it... i kick myself for it... i hate it that i screwed up something i KNOW how to do and yet...... sigh......

worst of all, it gives another impression (the impression of the "working Fiona") to my closes friends.... which is definately not a good one (knowing the screw-ups i made).... and what about my contract? would they extend my contract? if not would i get another job? what if i'm jobless after this?

i'm thinking i'm taking this all too seriously.... i should relax abit..... but it's my career.... i cannot have black marks in anybody's books.... and also come to think of it it's only my first month... but tak kan i can't get used to the job within a month!!! it's fucking easy job man!!!!! answering calls and transfering them to other people!!! isn't that easy or what??? so how the hell would "I" screw that up.... if i can screw something so easy as that up, what about bigger jobs, more complicated ones....??????

but the fact is, i AM trying my best and i AM NOT giving up on this job.... i won't leave just because i screwed up abit and i won't be defensive... yes i admit i screwed up and yes i got confused and maybe not fast enough in learning and doing the job.... but i'm still am gonna try and do the best i can... and i hope in the next month, i'll be better.....

sigh..... then again, it might be PMS...... being all so emotional..... aarrggghhh... will someone say something bout this???

*miss rose, am really sorry bout fri......