marriage...

many of my classmates have gotten married... some of my best friends ARE engaged and will be close enough into tying the knot... i also have friends who are SUPPOSED to tie the knot but they are not....

well... what is marriage... i can't see myself getting married.... not now anyway... maybe i will in future.. i don't know... for me, i got to be really comfortable with the "candidate"... AND....not have a long distance relationship.... i never had a normal relationship before.. so i wouldn't know how it works... but i can tell u that being in a long distance relationship.. takes loads of hardship... i know i've "lectured" bout long distance relationship before... i envy those who have such close, respectful, wonderful, loving, understanding relationships with each other. even though i'm envious, i'm really happy for them...

i guess marriage it's more than what it meets the eye.... like for instance... my mum and dad.... yea they've been together eversince they got married... sure both of them made mistakes... and from that; it's NOT FAIR that OTHER PEOPLE make assumptions and THINK THEY KNOW WHAT'S THE PROBLEM and GOSSIP!!! i wouldn't know the insides or the REAL reason behind those mistakes, but like my baby said.. it does take time...

though they are not as what they used to be, they are still around... still in the same house with me, still eat together, still talk (not deep, heart-to-heart conversations but still talk) and it's good enough for me. At least they are not BICKERING at each other (which sometimes i secretly wished they did so that i can know what my mum has in her head - she doesn't open up to us), they're not slicing / destroying sofa sets, they're not sleeping in separate rooms, they're not hitting each other... which is good right?

so from what I can see.... communication is the key... and from there, there must be..like Ah Ma said.. "putting aside egos", giving AND taking and from my old friend - understanding..

i know.. who am i to say all this... i mearly have a bf.. who is not in penang with me...and have been in a long distance relationship since we've started. and not really settled in life..

my thesis lecturer and i once talked

she: why won't u get married?

me: how to? no job, no $$

she: why? must that be a reason?

me: *quiet*

she: u can still get married and grow together, like me

me: *quiet*... don't think so... dad wouldn't be happy

what she meant by "grow together" was... get married, and find jobs together, get settled together, save together, get a hse together... well, IT IS an idea, but it's not me/us to go down that road... she's Iraqi and maybe Iraqis think that way (i wouldn't know), marry when u reach 18 and "grow together"....

is that what marriage is about? doing things together? it may be one of the points... but i feel u also need to see the situation, the consiquences and the possibilities if things doesn't turn out right...

ok lets see

1- u get married at 18 (both of u still in college)

2- so u go to college (funded by parents - most likely) AND work because u may be renting a place and need $$ for living expenses

3- IF u can't cope, u fall back in studies... eventually NOT graduate.... (screwed 1)

4- IF u can, u 'll be dead tired in studying AND working your ass off to pay those debts - no life

5- no life = no hobbies/no holidays/no sex (cause u'll be too tired)/ no nice dinners/ no quality time with each other = frustrated wife / frustrated husband = BIG TIME SCREWED

6- ...sigh.. don't want to go on.. too depressing...

i don't see how this will work... cause all i see is OBLIGATION.... though i really SOLUTE u guys out there who managed to go down this line AND get settled down AND are happy... really man.. SOLUTE!

i guess basically, i'm not ready for it.. i AM getting older though... but then what to do, it is not something u can just... ok la get married... and not think it over and over and over again (like a million times), make plans, get yourself ready emotionally and make back up plans....

DISCLAIMER: the contents of this post is PURELY the author's perception, opinions, feelings and experience. similarity to events written are purely incidental. do not take it out on the author. quotes and events that have happened has been referenced.