Sunday, May 06, 2007

silent phone

couldn't really sleep last night... was just thinking about the day and before i could really enjoy my deep sleep, there was a thunder storm .... it was blowing and blowing for a good hr or more.... i could hear plates/glass falling and breaking, windows cracking, thunder... was just thinking how it was outside, i'm sure lots of ppls clothes must have flew from the rack and into other ppls homes! hahaha.... i'm sure it'll be a mess in the morning... somehow, i fell asleep.... till i couldn't sleep again.. and that was 10.30am!! mind u, i slept around 2 in the morning k!...

i don't know why but i've been looking at my phone to see if anyone would call, i don't know if i'm waiting for a certain someone to call or just ANYONE to call... am i that desparate? hahahha i hope not! i guess it's because i'm free this weekend and i have NO plans what's so ever, so i guess i'm not used to having that...FREE TIME!!!

the family didn't go to church in the morning... which means we'll be going to church in the evening, just hope it won't be hot, like the last time we went... somehow the weather now adays is really fucked up... i mean, middle of the night u get strong winds (who knows there was a "twister" last night in gombak!!O_O) then it's freaking hot during the day, then it gets windy again or even rains... then when night comes, there's dead air, which makes it more stuffy, like last night... while i was waiting for the last train from subang back to KL, 10+pm and there was no breeze what's so ever, i was sweating non-stop!!

the weather, same as my hormones, one minute i'm happy with what i have, then the next, i'm pissed with what also i dunno... PMS? maybe... also, when i DO feel happy- i don't know why!!! hahahahha... weird uh? i guess kl IS treating me ok..... i got to make new good friends at work... i get to "be" introduced to ppl... and i get to meet ppl i haven't met before but have been wanting to for a very long time.... it's different compared to penang... in penang, i KNOW ppl...heheheh... so the chances of meeting NEW ppl... is rare... not to say it's a bad thing, but i guess penang IS my comfort zone.. everyone knows my history and there's no need to explain stuff - because they know.... here, i can choose WHAT to say and WHAT not to say... and i guess that's where friendship begins... because u want to know more about the other person... (i just hope ppl DO want to know more about me...)

now that i'm "out" there, it scares me, i'm so cautious of myself while talking to ppl... what if that person didn't like what i just said, what if that person thinks i'm crazy for laughing so loud (yes- the dugongs KNOW how i can laugh!! heheheh), or what if that person thinks that i'm just an ulu girl that came to the city and trying her best to fit in!.. anyhow, i need to be strong enough for rejection.... i don't think that i'm TRYING to fit in, i'm just trying to find out if this is what i want, that if this place is a place i can live in... i know, i CAN live in penang, i guess i just want to find out if there's other places for me... and maybe that's one of the reasons i came here... who knows, maybe kl is NOT for me? but i wouldn't know if i don't try, right?

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