still feeling

single, i thought of having a day out with my girlfriend (who's also feels single right now)...

so where we went?

a trip around penang!!! yes... sad isn't it, being penangites and haven't been to most of the places in penang... so we decided to visit some tourist-see place.... we went to the War Museum then to Kek Lok Si and then to the Blue Mansion.... by the time we finished the tour... we were so sticky, sweaty, smelly and dead tired.... got ready for church and had a nice dinner at e-Gate to replenish our energy..... lovely day i say.....

girl friends rocks!! boy friends are arsses (i'm talking bout mine)

will put up pics soon...

contact has been made

yes somehow it was made but it was very brief, and no solution came out of it....

we decided to meet up instead to get things straightened, but this can only happen when he decides to meet me, or when he has the chance to meet me... in other words, when he's so called free from home la.... (secretly i don't know if he ever wants to leave home.... )

his relatives in the end didn't come to malaysia, so with that, supposedly he has nothing to do right? he could leave home, go back to KL and start finding a job right? well i wouldn't know, he seems to LOVE staying home.... he's just stays home.... and i know he's VERY comfortable being at home... doesn't want to do anything bout his future... like GETTING A JOB???!!!!! damn it!

there's so much one can tell a person, at the end of the day, it's up to that person to get up from his sitting ass and do something about it.... call me pushy, naggy and a brat, but i'm just thinking of my future.... i'm not getting younger u know... and i can't wait for eternity....

good and bad

news... which one u want me to say first?

so, 2 of my good friends at work, got permanent jobs (in a different department of course), they went to a walk-in interview and they got it. 1-GOOD for them that they have permanent jobs! 2-BAD now that i'll be mostly alone in my cube, no fren fren to gila with... :(

i could have also gone for the same walk-in and try my luck, but i don't want to work in that department, u can call me fussy, but na... customer care? a last resort for customers to shout, curse and scold u for no reason? i know there's more to it than that in that department but nah.. i don't want to be in that position... i know that it's a good stepping stone to "grow" at work, climb the stupid over-rated ladder, but for me, not through that path... i'd rather have ppl shouting and scolding me for MY mistakes, not the system / company's mistakes / incompitency....

the good side from this story is that i "guess" the competition of conversion in MY department is less, but then again, this place is full of surprises, u have no idea where things can go.... so, just have to pray hard, try my best to "impress" and hope that i'll be one of those who is chosen for conversion. no, i won't leave the company or leave the department when i get converted, i'm not like those ppl who get converted and move to another different department in a month - so ungreatfull. i'll be SO glad that i'm converted that i'm willing to just stay where i am for some time...

the bad side from this is that i'll loose 2 good friends, friends whom i can say my real buddies whom i can talk to, have fun with and just have good conversation with... when they leave, i dunno what i'll do, it'll be back to quiet ol shimmers, doing her own things, minding her own business.... sigh..... will miss them alot, i know they'll still be in the same building, and just a department (or two) away, but it's different... they'll do different tasks, work different hours, under different bosses.... and they only have to be slaves to the phone for only about 4 hrs a day!!!!!! not like me, 9 hrs a day!!!! the time u take a piss also is counted... sheesh!!!

anyway, all i want to say is,

Gahya and Sathya

CONGRATULATIONS

and be greatful that u got this chance.

Make use of it, work hard, impress hard and u'll go far....

thanks for all the good times i had with u guys,

don't forget me ah...

*cry cry cry*

wa beh tahan la

i thought when i wrote the reassuring-myself-that-everything-is-fine post (see below) that i'll be ok and i didn't need his phone calls, i was wrong... i can't live without his phone calls!!! i need to talk to him, i need to hear his voice.... (damn, i feel so incompetent and pathetic - but i can't help it!) it's been 4 days since i actually spoke to him properly!!!

sigh...

PLEASE CALL!!!!

(can someone save me from my misery?)

i'm single

(and maybe die a spinster) or at least until he and i have contact... i've tried calling but he's too busy (or sleeping) to answer my calls, and he's too busy to call me either... why? i don't know.. as far as i know he has relatives coming over so.... haven't been talking to him properly for the past week to know exactly what is happening.

i'll hold on as long as i can but it's hard... we've always spoken to each other every single day... even though it might be 10 mins or so, but we ALWAYS speak to each other EVERYDAY.... but now.... i don't know if i can get used to this, to not talking to him....

i don't want to be pushy or be the nagging gf... but still... i'm(we) so used to talking to each other, so when there is a gap, i start to panic, get angry, anxious, self consious.... it's the hardest when i don't know what's the reason for that gap... sigh....

so till i hear from him, i'm single....

*cry cry cry*

one and only

World Cup post and its at the end of the season! hahahha sorray!!! :P

so yea, was out for lunch today, (public hol but still working, but never mind, 3x pay!! hahahah) and we were talking about Italy winnig and all that.. i told my friends that i never knew World Cup existed until in 2002. YEA I KNOW!!!.. don't hit me!!! i only knew there was such thing as World Cup in 2002 when Japan hosts the games. the matches were shown during the day and i was in college. so i had the time to watch em....

i practically watched most of the games (psst psstt together with my mum) and got into the World Cup frenzy!! ... i told myself i'll wait till 2006 for the next one, but since it was in Germany, matches were at 3am in the morning.... i couldn't do that... get up early to watch... so yea, i admit *looking down* i didn't know the World Cup existed many many years ago....

though i didn't watch any of the games, i did sort of follow who was in and who was out... when i found out England was out.. i burst out laughing... why? i dunno... hahahahh (don't hit me!!!) but at the same time Brazil also was out!! i mean how could that happen? it's not even the semi-finals and they're out??!! bad bad, very bad.... just imagine, practically the whole world was crying, for England AND Brazil and i'm sure MILLIONS of $$$ in all currency was lost in bets.... then Germany was to fight for 3rd placing, sure malu if they didn't get 3rd placing, being the host and all that... then it happened, Italy and France... i couldn't tell (i know, i can't say much as i'm not a football fan) who i was rooting for, but somehow i was glad when Italy won....

so there u go, my one and only World Cup 2006 post.. hahahah

anywayyyyyyy..... World Cup 2006 winner is ITALY and i know someone who's VERY VERY HAPPY!!! Ah Ma Dugong!!!....

errr... ViVa la... Italy? O_o

an unexpected (actually expected) weekend

plans were made for us to hang out a few days until it was time for him to fetch his relatives (from the penang air-port) that were due to arrive from overseas next week. i was not to work on sat though i got to work on sun... thurs came and there were no plans made for the weekend... i thought, fine, maybe he's busy with stuff at home... friday came and i asked again, it seemed that everyone keeps bugging him bout his weekend, so he decided in staying home in bed (or just watching World Cup) and ignoring everyone else... so without asking furthure, i knew our weekend together was ruined...

so i decided to leave him alone, let him do whatever he wants without bugging him with phone calls.... there's obviously nothing i can do, cause he's like so far away....

don't want to think about what will happen next weekend, eventhough i won't be working BOTH sat AND sun.... sigh.... and they say only women has PMS.... sheesh...

ignored... AGAIN

yes i'm being ignored again... this is because someone is too fedup with what's been happening at home, and i'm the one who kena... so not fair...

sigh but what can i do? i can't call to have a "talk", that's the least of what he wants to do with me.... i know he just wants everyone to leave him alone... but then again, just because he's sick and tired of what's happeneing at home, i also got to leave him alone?

that's what u get in a long distance relationship... i know i've spoken loads about long distance relationship, here, here and here. talk about it until my mouth also dry. some ppl say, if u're not happy, leave.... but then if i do that it's like i'm not giving it (us) a chance... but then again, how many chances do i have to give? some say, i haven't been mixing around enough to find "the" one.... hello.... it's not like i'm a hot babe where i just snap my fingers and boys just fall at my feet? ....i know no one is perfect, and i do need to be patient... the question is, for how long?

sigh, just wished he'd just stop pushing me out of his life...

another girls nite out...

different girls this time.. hehhe

it's was a so called impromtu meeting, i saja asked them out on tues and they said they could make it on wed.. that's improvement man!! usually must plan one week before wan...

so had my mum to drop me off after work and met them for dinner... we went to the food court in the mall and had thai food, but .... errmm.. i had better thai than that.. heheeh.. but it was good enough to fill the tummy... then our miss sharon had to go get her pants/jeans from Giordano before the shop closed.... then i think from the food, we were not satisfied, so we went to have cakes at Secret Recipie!!! i had my cheese cake and i "stole" some choc cake from them...

we had great chats, about work (obviously) and boys.... hahahha.... but all in all everyone seems to be ok....

too bad it was brief, could have stayed longer but it's a working day and everyone was tired.... sigh....

now to meet my other girlfriends in KL... that's gonna be a tough one...

all in one pangkor

dunno can see or not... heheheh

she said it for me...

there's a post from one of the blogs i read everyday, being aja (of course i asked her for permission , :P), and she said everything i wanted to say in my previous post... so simple and yet so to the point... here's some of it...

............

Here, I have total strangers

aquaintances, my family

greatest friends, strictly online friends and

the like

So how do I get the correct message across?

Too often, messages get mixed

altered, taken the wrong way

like telefon berkarat

end product is always perceived differently

by an individual

So when I write, I write as though

I am speaking to my best friends

cos I know, they know exactly what I am talking about

..........

...well some do get me

others get the wrong opinion or idea

but seriously, can I really hope that everyone

sees me the same way?

Nahh.

........

birthday wishes

a big CALL OUT to

Mr Pak Caldo

for his Birthday Celebration that falls TODAY!!!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY yo!!!!

stopping ones self

blogging... what is blogging? i presume i wrote about this before, it's a new age era, where everything is tech savvy and everythings online, yes, even personal journals (or diaries some might say)

i started writing this blog, thinking it would be my diary, where i would write what i feel (cause i was lazy writing in a book... just imagine writing a long post, literally writing!! on paper with a pen, hand pain lor!!!)

then i started to see a trend to try to "lure" ppl to your blog and get lots of counts in your counters..... that's when pictures and juicy gossips came up... though it did work at times, i ran out with "interesting" stuff to write... hello...!!! my life isn't THAT interesting u know... i gave up on that, u want to read, read, if not suak! heheheh

i follow some popular blogs, i admire them for the contents they write, they write their heart out and not bothered of what ppl say! be it they may sound bitchy, or may be a drug addict or just ass holes, but they write what they feel... i wouldn't know if they censor themselves, i guess they do, to some extend... but what do they censor?

a blogger told me, choose your words wisely and u'll do fine, no rotten tomatoes will be thrown at you...

looks like that's what i got to do...

we finally went

yes to Pangkor....

reach already!!

Teluk Nipah....

salted shop
can see feet water!
boat ride to one of the small islands
conquering the Great Wall of China!!!!!.... not!

time to balik... sob sob

it's all on ones self

yes, u can hope ofr your friends to get u in a better race, but it's all in it for their own.... maybe u're not good enough, and they don't help... giving excuses like it's hard to get u in because of other better competitors, but if they really want to help u, they can.... sigh, i guess i'm not good enough...

opportunities are there, it's obvious... but it's whether u are strong enough to go out there to take it, grab it... u can't depend on other ppl to help u... it's all u... u fail because of u, u succeed because of u....

oohh everyone will say that they'll help, they say it with such feelings, but it's obvious that they just want to make u feel good...... and that's about it, they don't eventually.... the most they can do is tell u where the races are... they'll bring u to the race.. but in the end it's up to u (again) to sign up for it or not...

though i'm new in racing, but the stress is too much for me.... maybe i'm in the wrong kind of race? i do have my goals and trophies that i want, but it's way far far from what i was training for....

sigh....

how do u survive in a race that u have trained for but is not passionate about?

it striked again

usually i take it very briefly.... within a few hours it'd go away... but this time, it's been lingering there for days and days... tried my hardest to ignore it and push it away, but it wouldn't go... so i lost, and it got to me....

this time was bad... bad because i'm older, supposedly wiser and have not gone anywhere yet at my age.... the "other" side of me took over, i started to compare and when i did that, what i saw wasn't nice and i became worst.... i know i shouldn't but i can't help it, it's the way life is and if u're not in it, u'll loose out... loose out like how i'm loosing....

should i stay and HOPE that i will win eventually? or give up, take a big risk and leave... and not knowing if i will win in another race? should i stay in this race or not? it's hard to decide as this is my first race... and i'm not that type to "try" out the different races.... i can't, cause i don't feel i'm good enough.. or that i don't have the ability to try different races? what if i did try the other races and still be at the same position? what are the chances that i'll succeed in a race.. any race? sadly i'm not that kinda person who would take that risk...

i keep telling myself, and denying myself to feel better but infact it always comes back.. the truth comes back, the reality always strikes.... and when it does... it hurts... only the strong will be able to take that pain, and turn in into something good and positive and outdo the pain... i'm too weak... i'm not strong enough....

it hurts when u see others overtaking you... even though u've been in the race for long.... i'm trying my best to move forward but u can only move forward if there's space for you to move... how are u to move when all u see is a wall? maybe i just like staring into a wall....

then it came to mind that every problem always starts from something... so i went back to where and how i became.... i never did excel in anything. i never did stick to one and i never did finish what i started... why? because when it became difficult, i gave up, i'm a looser... those who were around didn't push me enough, is it because maybe they thought i didn't need pushing? was my mask that convincing? well too late isn't it? sigh....

didn't want to voice this out to anyone, cause i know there's nothing they can do... even if i did, it would all be words of advice and answers to the ones i already have... i know what's the problem, and i know what's the solution... the thing is now, am i strong enough to go ahead with the solution?

...... i still don't know.....

how i wish i was 12 and the only thing bothered me was does he like me?

girls night out.... again....

it's been a while since i went out for a girls night out... we had FISH!!!!! wanted to have the Hagan Daaz Fondue but some of us had to get back early... so we must make it the next time, no dinner but purely fondue... how? girls?? are u up for it? just ice cream, no dinner!! hahha

haven't started drinking yet, but mabuk already... how can like this??!!!!

food's here! is she eating 2 portions?

in concentration ... squeezing lemons... (that didn't sound right, heheh)

3 drunkards + 1 sober

other side of dubai - part 2

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other side of dubai - part 1

this post has been moved

pics with the ex-girls

sorry for the delay, tell u the truth, i was lazy :P

here are the pics with the small reunion i had with my ex-convent mates . girls, will email u the rest of the pics ya... give me some time...

at the banana leaf rice shop

Sheau Houy (classmate) and me

Leyna (school mate) and me