i'm sad

i'm very sad!!!

i'm oh too sad....

my best friends who are together but are distant now.... it makes me sad cause they were ... no.. they ARE perfect for each other... i can thick-skin-ly say that i introduced them to each other and they hit it off nearly immediately.... and i was happy for them... i thought and i'm still wishing that they'll marry....

but lately, i've been hearing sad news, they're having some (or big) distance between them and it makes me sad. it's very shocking cause i think they suit each other, they are what the other doesn't have.... i'm very sad....

i don't know what has happened or who is to blame, but they are mature enough to get through this... i really pray so.... i say communication will solve it, but who am i to say that? i'm not in a perfect relationship and not a good example either... and how much communication is in it, it's still not enough.... there's always sacrifices... and at the same time there must be acknowledgements of those sacrifices.... and also the other moral hoo haa words...

sigh....

dia has opinions and these opinions are all based on dia experience over the years. it made dia more matured and more responsible. and i look up to dia alot... dia has taught me alot.... for my useless whinning over useless things, dia has put some sense into me. i was given a different view of things and have known more than what i could know on my own. i'm very grateful for knowing dia. dia was my confidant, mate, a shoulder to "cry" on... i was AND still am very comfortable talking to dia about every single thing... and i meant EVERY single thing. though i miss our times chatting away but when they got together i was extremely glad. i am glad that dia can share dia life with someone.... i'm glad that i've gotten to know dia

and

for dia, though at first i didn't know much bout dia but dia was very friendly. we became instant friends and had a good laugh all the time. though there were some dark school years we could relate cause i had my rebel years too. when i introduced dia to dia, i didn't expect them to have a thing for each other, but the instant i sort of knew, i was glad that it was both of them and not someone else. dia have been there to listen to my talks... talks i needed someone to hear and dia was great to give some feed back bout it. especially giving me obvious answers that i already know but choose to ignore because i didn't like it. i really appreciate that.

we hung out alot, the 3 of us, and for me we always had a good time. we'd go to some places to hang out, or for snacks.. or for dinner... or just hang out at dia place to talk and watch tv... i would most of the time drive them and it's a really nice feeling that ppl actually take u in consideration.... i always enjoy hanging out with them... it's sad to know that they are going through some bad times and i really hope it's just a phase. it'll be hearbreaking if its not and it will be sad.... i love u guys u know.. individually and together....

did i say i was sad?

yes, i'm sad.... :(

i would like to be among the skies with u,

where everything is light, bright, quiet and at peace....

though most of the times i walk alone,

i secretly wished u were walking next to me... ALL the time

though things looks like a straight easy road
but in reality it takes more than that to get where u want to go,
more work is needed, more sacrifice must be done,
even though it hurts, it must be done if u love



sometimes u may see me as someone who's strong and standing still,
but below the surface i'm struggling to stand,
and it hurts most of the time

talk and talk and talk

confusing useless post... leave this page if u're not bothered.... i'm pms-ing, remember?

we can talk for 3 days also there won't be a solution.... everyone's standing on their own ground, not wanting to move.. how like that? how to settle the hoo haa?

as i see it, it's like a circle, u come out from one prob, u'll be stuck in another.... the only way to get out is to stop everything and start a whole new cycle (that is if we're strong enough) if not, try to find a new and better way in handling this cycle.

just because it's hard to get out of this, doesn't mean u have to put the blame on everyone who's so called in common with the reason of all this. fine, that person's like that but doesn't mean all who are like that are that person. so give a break to the rest of us.

u say the big one up there has a "plan" for us and all that, and yet u blame the reason of the first generation of this kind. but who created this first generation? he did right? so that means you're blaming him too!

basically it boils down to the individual. are u strong enough to stand your ground. say no to things u don't want to do. say no to the things ppl tell u that u don't want to hear? or say yes i should do this and i WILL do it.

if u hate the world u are in today, u still have to live with it. u can try to rebel and change it by yourself but it'll be hard and useless. all u can do it make use of what u have and try to survive with that and make it your own world. don't be mad if no one joins u.

oh crap i'm just confused and can't really find the right words for what i really want to say....

is it really PMS?

suddenly i have this bad temper. i get mad at everything that seems wrong. why did i suddenly feel this way? all i know that work was fine, of course i had my idiotic aussie customers but it's normal. colleagues were fine. i don't know why on my way home i was pissed...

i'm pissed and i sort of let it out to my parents, i tried to hold back but a lil leaked out. period is nearly over.. is it PMS? that i'm feeling this way? i rarely get THIS pissed...

sigh... is it because he is TOO busy to talk to me over the phone? even though i catch him playing his ..... (trying not to say) computer games? i mean, if he has time to play ... (there i go again) computer games, can't he spare me that decent conversation?

i know i shouldn't be mad at every single body i meet... but i'm just so angry! sigh.. somemore this bloody blogspot can't upload my pics.... my thumbdrive is fucking up... tomorrow i have work... next week will be 30 mins break at work.... i'm broke...*pissed* aarrggghhh... can't wait for mid-sept!

pissed

pissed

pissed!!!!

i miss talking to him

workaholic

am i one?

he says i am.. well that's because he doesn't really know what's going in what i do.... not that i shiok want to work so long everyday... it's just the way it is...

but i don't think i am... schedule is arranged and it's fair for everyone including the weekend schedule. unfortunately where i'm working, we have to work on weekends.... but because i needed certain weekend off, i have to exchange with other ppl... because of this i end up working saturday AND sunday...

he complains that why when he asks me to take leave or "mc" i won't, but i can for other reasons... well HELLO!!! the leaves i take are WELL PLANNED earlier mister... not less than 24hrs!

so, tell me, am i a goody-two-shoes? being a good girl, being responsible and not wanting to slack off work?

what IS a workaholic anyway?

who is the leader?

as i see in couples (married or not) there's always some sort of a leader and a follower... some u can see it obviously and some will leave u guessing. as for my parents, i think my mum is the leader but when it comes to major issues, dad will be the one addressing it... but for the household, obviously the MOTHER is the one.. right or not? heheheh... for some, the girls are the ones... and some the guys are the ones....

for me.. i think i am.. or shall i say i was... but now, i guess he is.. he says WOMAN is always demanding, even if u give in to her, it's still not enough for her, she still wants more... is he right? well i can't deny what he said is true though i can't agree to it as well.

and being a follower, how long can u be a follower? wouldn't u want certain ways your way? i wouldn't know, though i think i am one now, but haven't actually experienced it....

anyway how can one say that one is a leader or a follower? can't right?

i guess it's how u see it being a leader in the relationship... is it stating the rules on what to eat for the day? or where to put what in the house? or is it saying yes or no to that plasma tv or getting another car? but i guess all couples try to compromise and make the decision TOGETHER... but it's obviously easier to say than do....

but does it matter? i guess not... i was just bored...

so... are YOU the leader?

planning plans

it's getting more serious, planning for sept.... part of it is good, part of it is bad timing... we got to make a back-up plan... but leave has been approved.... wonder if plans go bad and there is no need to take leave, can i redraw my leave application? just hope it won't be to that extent.. hope everyone will make it, all are well (esp me) and have enough of budget (me again...) i really want this to happen. it'll really make it memorable...

cannot get out

of going for makan makan...

yea.... yesterday was meeting day... so... because she was still around when i finished work.. we.. went... for... makan....

so the guilty man.. eat so much!!! some more the budget so tight... sigh... first i thought.. ok la... we go have some satay.. kinda missed the satay though this would only be my second time eating that satay.. but hey! it's nice!! and i had tom yam beehoon! yummy! hot but not too hot.. which is good for me! *grins*

.... and then..... someone (looks over THERE) suggests cake.... so we went to secrets... haven't been there for a while.... they have a new look, new CLEAN menu too! hahah and some new dishes... anyway..... while having cake... someone .... yes the one over THERE... craved for pasta, cheese and prawns and mushrooms..... to "share" with me.. but actually ah... share the guilt la... but its ok piggy... i enjoyed myself... thanks for that.. :)

posting

no i don't have a new post... but how i wish.. i'm still where i am...

what i'm talking about is posting here in blogspot!! i am trying sooo soooo many times to blog bout my shopping weekend but blogspot can't seem to upload my pictures!!!! sigh..... not that i'm using dial up at home... i'm using streamyx!

sigh....

do u ever...

have the feeling of nothingness? u dun feel happy yet you're not sad, u dun feel lonely yet u are, u dun feel frustrated and yet u feel something is not right, u feel u want to be alone but hate it when u're not...

i hate it when i get this feels.. it leaves me very restless... that i have to do something.. go some place, talk to someone.... i should be happy that this weekend is a weekend of nothing-to-do-ness and i obviously know that i won't get this opportunity very often.. next weekend i got to work both sat AND sun.... so i should be making use of this weekend right?

i guess when u have all the time u have u want to make it meaningful, spend it with ppl, do SOMETHING... and yet when u don't have the time... u crave for this moment.... it's so confusing....

at times like this, unwanted thoughts creeps in my head... i meant meaningless thoughts... like about ppl, about situations, about events... it's like it doesn't make sense but yet because of the nothingness it makes u think that it's VERY important.... and when u start "working", doing things again, those thoughts are forgotten....

i have a question, do one NEED to take a good look at ones self? especially when one gets older? is it WRONG to not know what u want? is it WRONG to just go with the flow? i mean, if u DO KNOW what u want, and u don't get it... it's heartbreaking right? so to save the heartbreak, why not just NOT KNOW what u want?

bloody accident

i'm ok.. i'm not bloody but i had a stupid accident after work one day...

it happened at those type of junctions where u have to turn to the left and u got to look at your right for on coming traffic... well... i thought the car infront of me would have left cause it was already in the middle of the road.. so i just looked to my left to see when i could go... so when i started to go, i hit the car infront of me!!! WTF!! she didn't leave yet!!!! she's still there!!!... i mean when u start moving and there's NO TRAFFIC.... YOU GO!!!!! not stop halfway!!!!!

bloody bitch!!

so what to do.... she demanded 350 from me.. though only a plastic cover broke and there was a hair line crack on her red lights... somemore she works in the same place... DAMN!!!.... the damage to my car was even worst... the headlamp broke, bumper cacat... the main bar under the hood is dented.... sigh....

lady drivers... such scardey-cat! little bit little bit scard.. dare not move.. dunno how to drive... i saw her traffic.. IT WAS CLEAR!! she would have easily gone... but nooo.... just because she saw something coming from like a MILE AWAY she had to suddenly stop..... FUCK!

there goes my birthday treat to myself....

*CRY*

GREAT SHOCK!!

it was a horrible shock... got to know that my aunty was admitted in a hospital for a serious illness....

i was like

O M G ! ! ! !

how can this happen? yes my family has a history for heart problems but this? can't be man!!!.... it was a shock for everyone.... after work i went to see her.... hoping she's not in a serious condition.... she wasn't... thank goodness... she was ok and still had her sense of humour.... said the next day was the day of the operation.... thank goodness for that too... for they'll be able to take out all that bad stuffs in her..... didn't see uncle though, he was home resting before spending the night at the hospital... my cousin was fine, i guess she already did her crying earlier.... but i know deep inside of everyone, everyone is worried....

my dad didn't really take it easy too of the news of his sister... he was.. "oh no..." , "how can this happen....", "poor thing..." and he told the rest of the family (in aus mostly).... he went to see her the next day.... unfortunately i couldn't as i was sick myself... soi only...

operation was done and i heard everything looks fine... the doc said he did all he can to take out the bad stuff... so now, we are all playing the waiting game... waiting for tests results.... she's weak... but i'm sure more relieved.. just have to be strong, dun give up, have faith and pray that everything will be fine.....

to my Aunty,

i pray to god that everything will be fine

and that you will be healthy

and back to the crazy aunty we all love!!

to my beloved cousin,

stay strong for your mum,

she needs all the emotional support she can get.

you have so many ppl around you to be your support....

lack of posts

sorry for the lack of posts.. here are some short hints

- weekend shopping KL :)
- busy at work
- accident
- cancer
- sick
- $$ flying


sigh... all bad things.. only got one good thing that happen... sigh....

the big THREE O

to my one of my oldest best friend...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY

you're a year older AND wiser (dun forget that) and full of dreams and goals.

you're someone who's strong and knows what he wants.

so keep to that and u'll go far (as how u've been doing).

my good wishes goes out to you for your birthday and always.

i still owe u that dinner though! heheheh

lil updates here and there

the bf

no updates as i'm giving him his "space"...

the job

everyone's telling me to stay put, be patient (there it's that word again) and knowing that it's been nearly a year, i'm considered having "1 years experience" which means better opportunities... i hope... no where else to go anyway.. and i currently don't feel like starting new someplace... sort of lazy la... so comfortable now with what i'm doing...

the birthday

planning to give myself a BIG treat!!! quater of a century ma....! can't wait!!! heheheh dun worry, u guys will know all about it... soon :P

the parents

dad's still with cycling oooh oohhh check this out, HE (yes my father) uses MY (yes ME) computer MORE THAN ME!!!! what does he do? he checks his mail, do whatever documents he must do and send and then.... hear this... HE.. PLAYS.. CHESS... ONLINE!!!!!! not just one or two games... but at least an hr or so.. UNTIL I (yes ME) have to ask him if he's done with the computer so that I (yes ME) can use my own computer!!! can u believe it?! and it's not just simply play play.. he got profile u know!!! it's like thos online games where u got to keep up with your games to have your rank high.... so.. yea... dad: pc gamer.... HAHHAHAHA

mum, she's making Portugese Salt Fish Pickle... and SELLING it... anyone wants to get some? RM8 per container... lovely i tell you (cheh wah, selling tactics here!) so now the house stinks of vinegar and pickle.. hahahha

the gfs

she - a workaholic + boy prob (she said she's over it... haven't met up with her to confirm that)

she - a workaholic and holy with boy prob (gosh, what are the odds! ahahahha)

she - temporary (or maybe IS) single (i PRAY everything will turn out fine for them..)

she - a workaholic and i'm trying to get her to join me in my birthday treat (haven't seen her for AGES)

she - just joined a different department (don't know how she is)

she - forced to be a workaholic, she looks so tired.. pity her..

the bfs

he - new hang out friend (yeayness!!)

he - OMG my crush who just started work in the same place (one more guy to "look" at!!) - Sharon dun jeles ya!

he - workaholic (trying to get him have dinner with me)

he - single and has found a solution to my Outlook prob (yeay!!!)

and me?

living to my motto "take a day at a time", trying not to "hang" on negative, sad, bad thoughts. so to fill my so-called emptiness, i'm going shopping - not in penang mind you (eventhough i didn't score much on the OT) and get myself out more during the weekends (if the $$$ permits). i was told by someone elder that it's not good having no life when you're young.. yes u're tired from work and all that shit, but when will you be young again to do the stuff u want to do? u want to watch a movie after work? go... u want to have a drink after work? go... u want to go shopping after work after dinner? go.. fortunately i've found friends who i can hang out with without any hassle and is of great company... i guess all of us are (sort of) in the same boat.

now, it's just work and after that if anyone's free, hang out... and i sometimes don't go online often at home also.... very routine but there's always the possibility of going out after work.... :)

old friend and cousin

half of the CMGs with boss

being humble by begging

newly painted church

after novena...

MAKAN!!!

Buffet Lunch at Golden Sands!!! omg the deserts!!!! it was to die for!!! yummers.....

but no.... should follow course by course (i know one of our managers went for the deserts first, then only the main meals... and i'm sure there are others out there who does the same thing too) but anyway, lovely prawns... lovely rendang.... lovely everything la! i lost count on the number of times i went to refill my plate.. heheheh... and when it was desert time... no need to say la.... ;)

my cousin and her bf joined us also, cause he was friends with the team... so he sat with the guys, and she sat with us.. it was nice catching up with her again.. it's been a while since i saw her and actually spoken to her... nothing much has changed.... same ol same ol....

after lunch, we went to the Bazaar Market in Upper Penang Road.. met my cousin there and a few guys from the team... he was supposed to come but he had some house chores to do.. nyeh nyeh nyeh..... things at the bazaar was abit pricey as they were hand made and good quality.. and it's the rich, stylish type of stuffs.... so all we could do is look.... there were rattan stuffs, painted glass stuffs, weaving stuffs, quilts, handmade cards... etc... i managed to get a casual tote bag which cost only 10 bucks from Eden Handicraft Centre... it's blue and it's tie-N-die type of design... I LIKE!

there was a stall of eurasian food... pickles and stuff... could have tried getting my mum to sell her salt-fish pickle.. but then again, there were also other eurasian delicacies like pies and sugee cake...

so anyway, the market was not THAT big, we managed to finish rounding in about 30 mins or so.... it was still early and didn't know what to do... she and i went to get some coconut water at Abu Siti Lane (it's been AGES since i went there) and hahahhaha look who called! it was HE! and he met up with us there.... he wanted to have some mamak mee goreng at Swatow lane so we went there after that.... such PIGS we are...!!! ahahahah....

the 3 musketeers had a great weekend....

FRIDAY - SUBWAY and "drinks"

SATURDAY - Snacks and "drinks" by the beach

SUNDAY - Coconut water and mamak mee goreng

new hangout place

yes the 3 musketeers did it again! we found a new place.. though it's not a new new place but a new place for US to hang out...

it's nice, breezy, can hear waves and the like... they sell "drinks" and of course food.. rice and dishes, western food and the normal snacks.... unfortunately, it's a very chinky place... no, i'm not racists but 100% of the customers are them, and the music they play are their music which i don't understand... but luckily the later half of the night, they played familiar english songs.. so it wasn't too bad...

yea, we were supposed to go to Tari to meet up with my college friend, but because he and i wanted to drink (and obviously Tari don't sell those drinks) we went to this place. it got so relaxing and lazy i didn't want to drive to Tari... yes, the guys made me drive... not that i bother.... i LOVE driving... so anyway, i told my friend to meet up with us there... had to direct him abit...

we were there, talking bout our family tree, finding out who's related to who.. gossips on our fellow eurasians who's the bastards and bitches... hahahah and some work related stuffs... finally it was nearly 2 am and he was sleepy, poor thing he worked earlier today and i dragged him out at night... so we decided to drop him home and continued our night.... didn't know where to go, ended up at a mamak.. damn! i forgot the name of the place, it's in Pulau Tikus, next to the famous school text book bookshop place... sat there... chit chat somemore and after an hr, all of us were on-the-way to lala land... so we called it a night....

by the time i went home (to my grandma's place at green lane) it was 4am... and i had to get up bout 10+am for the buffet lunch the next day.....

ZZZZzzzzzzzzzz