buh..buh...but...i...i...

i can sometimes be naive and vulnerable... i guess... but it's sad and hurtful to hear things that u may not be included... it hurts more especially when u thought u were one of them and that u'd be the one they would confide in.... but i guess i'm just the many of the other friends of everyone

maybe i'm just a wanna-know-it-all or worst still, a busy body...

u meet some whom u haven't met in ages, they're getting married, u hear them talk about wedding plans and stuff, but u can somehow feel that u're not involved (or worst still not invited)....

or u know of one who u thought u'd be told bout important things in life but have to find out from a 3rd party and when u meet, it's like as if "oh u didn't know"?

or when u've been there from the start and somehow in the end, u're not given the insights of the latest news and u find out it has been told to someone else - not u

or when u think u're the best friend but in fact u're not, it's someone else and it's been said to your face that u're not the best friend...

or when u're ignored because u are friends with ppl that they suddenly don't want to have any connection with...

or when u have good news and thought they'd have the same excitement that u have but only to get a "ooh really?" reaction...

what's worst, is when u have all this bad feelings and at the same time have a rough time with the other half and said the worst thing one could ever say to another person - even though it's the truth, and u know u can never take it back

AND

u have a big-important-life-changing decision to make and u can't confide in the other half because of the stupid thing u said and realise that it's time u HAVE to be independant....

maybe i AM a perfectionist... i want everything my way, i want everybody to think like me and do things my way and want everything to be normal and inorder...or maybe i am just pure selfish and not know it eventhough it's staring in my face... or maybe i'm just too emotional and sleepy and not knowing what i'm saying or what i'm trying to say...

i'm basically sad, pissed, angry at god knows who and also to my bloody self