bloody haze....

it's hazy outside, hazy in my head and hazy in my heart

hazy outside from the blasting forest fires... eventhough it's not screeching hot but it's so not nice to be out too.. just imagine, you're breathing ashes... sigh... even the sun today was ORANGE... when that happens means the air is dirty.... sigh...

hazy in the head... yups, i got the bug again.. after quite sometime... i did try getting enough sleep and eat right, but somehow la.. somehow sure get sick after a while... started off with golf-ball size like tonsils, then soar throat then headache then running nose.... now i have abeautiful (yeah right... sheesh) voice... until the customers sooo sooo love it, they want me to repeat what i say.. hahahahah.. sigh... oh and i just found out my fingers were turning purple.... O_o

hazy in the heart... well ever since i got so-called-ditched from my school friend who is not actually happy to see me... i started to analyze my current friendship with my friends... am i getting over board with the relationship, am i trying too hard to have ppl like me? am i getting too close too ppl and might just scare them off? (it happened before... and i didn't see it when it did.. until now.... which is actually sad.. i just thought they were busy...)

.... and the futures bleak when it comes to the matters of the heart... i guess i just have to live day by day... though it's good that i have my goals (more of dreams) and have the ability to make adjustments when nessary... but it is sometimes nice to know what the future holds.. at least u can expect it and prepare yourself for it.. i hate it when things go... maybe, might, not sure, we'll see..... it gets me all fidgetty and restless...

i always knew, in F5, i would be doing arts... then after that, had 2 choices, do F6 if no scholarship, do college (definate route)... so went to college.... already knew i wanted to do networking.. definate route again... (see... no spontaneous events in my life).. then take this job for the sake of working and earning and will leave when a PROPER job comes by.... so it's been one year and i'm still here.... would i take the risk to leave and start hunting again? what if i fail.. what if i can't get a proper job and end up in a job-for-the-money again... then there's the relationship... u all know what i was/am going through.... i guess that's the only thing that has no definate route...

sigh.. just hope the haze will just go away....