my letter

to the one who means alot to me

we've known each other for God knows how long (but i do, since we were 9) and we've gone through so much... life in school was good, we each had our own set of best friends but somehow we were still close (maybe because we stayed in the same taman but i believe that's not the only reason) as years went by, we gained more experiences in life, on school stress, puberty, friends, emotional feelings, family problems and of course BOYS heheheh..... everything was so hyped and meant such a big deal at that time...

and as we grow older, we look back and just laugh to how innocent we were and how naive we were... hehehe... just thinking about the bicylce event with that boy just made me laugh! and trips to tuition for well 2 reasons... ;) and that moment where u prayed with me while i just broke down in my room because of the issue with the grown ups... and all the lil events that we
went through.... my childhood was happening because of you and i'm so glad for that, i'm so glad that u came to stay in my taman and i'm so glad that we could get along...

as life goes on, school ended and we all had to think of our future, we did what we wanted and i thank God that we still kept in touch, we never did loose touch... even for those long weeks without talking/phoning/emailing, you've always been in my mind, and when i see something or go through some adventure, i always think of how you would like it too and thought how nice
if u would be here with me to see this...

now having such a big blow to my head and heart, i had no where (or didn't know HOW) to let go of all that stress, that hate, that bad feelings, that bad conversation, that horrible decision and the disasterous truth... i took it out on you... and i regretted all of it, i regretted taking it out on
you, i shouldn't have been more mature about it, more in depth with myself and more considerate... but i wasn't. i was behaving like a spoilt kid when dad takes away something i've always have and love for many many years...

i couldn't live with myself for that... i couldn't stand it that i may have lost a friend... and i prayed that i didn't loose you, loose your friendship.. it would hurt more than the reason for this episode. i could easily blame someone else for this, but it's my fault, i shouldn't behave like that... i KNOW i know better, but it skipped my mind then...

i'm sorry

i'm so so sorry

i wish i could go back to that day when i felt that pain and hurt and take away all that i did... i feel ashamed, stupid and sad that i could do such a thing, i feel like such a horrible person and i pray everyday that someday you will forgive me...

i won't do it again... and if i do, just give me a slap and say "u're doing it again!" and i'm sure to be back to my senses. but i can assure u, this will always be in my head and i will dare not do it again...

a very sorry

shimmers